These People Are All Just Racists

I would like to share, with minimal commentary, a brief selection of excerpts from recent comedy podcast episodes. Let’s start with Sam Tripoli’s appearance this week on Your Mom’s House, hosted by Tom Segura and Christina Pazsitzky:

Tripoli: Bro, I have a bit about my pronouns are “real n—a, and people lose their mind. It is my free bird, though. Whenever I do a show, they demand I tell them my pronouns. Okay.

Segura: Oh, really? They call it out?

Tripoli: Yeah. They're like, "What's your pronouns?" Bang, "Free bird, dog." I love this show so much. I can't tell you how much I miss this. I miss you guys. I miss this kind of comedy. Because I'm in Hollywood and everyone's afraid of anything. You go up to these crowds—

Segura: And they're molto gay.

Tripoli: It's so crazy.

Pazsitzky: So lame.

Tripoli: And then you go to the Mothership and you can't piss them off. You're trying to piss them... And you can't do it. And then you go back to Hollywood and everybody... I did a show at this one club, not going to say a name, I opened up with, "Why is everybody a Satanic pedophile," and just iced the room. And then the host is like, "Yeah, and that's why you put Sam up last." I'm like, "Bro, fuck you." I'm up there asking the real questions. I'm pushing. I'm trying to get all the white n—as behind me, dog. I want an army of white n—as. That's all I want, a real n—a army. By the way, if you go real quick, go to whiten—a.com. Could you do it for me?

Segura: What the fuck?

Tripoli: Go to whiten—a.com.

Segura: Is that you?

Tripoli: Whiten—a.com, go to it. Bang.

Segura: Whoa.

Pazsitzky: Wow.

Segura: Wow.

Pazsitzky: Wow.

Segura: Holy shit.

Pazsitzky: Wow. Serendipity. This was-

Tripoli: Yeah. It all, n—a.

Segura: Holy shit.

Pazsitzky: That was—

Segura: Holy shit.

Pazsitzky: This was wild.

Tripoli: Thank you.

Pazsitzky: Wow.

Segura: There's like, we can't even follow that. That was too perfect of... I feel like I should be like, "And, show."

Pazsitzky: Yeah.

And here’s Tim Dillon late last month, responding to Vivek Ramaswamy’s arguments during the intra-MAGA debate about H-1B visas and immigrant tech workers:

Dillon: "More creating, less chilling." How about more white people, less Indians? How about that? How about more white people, less Indians? Indians didn't come to this country, no offense. But if we're going to critique the country, how about more people that actually came to the country and fought in those wars? Was there a lot of Indians that fought in Civil War? I'm confused. 

I just don't know. It sounds like a racist point, but it's actually not. It's been made by people like Tucker Carlson and Ann Coulter, and if they're racist then I'm racist. No one's racist no more. But it's my point. 

I understand what he's saying. I wasn't a fan of Friends, I liked Frasier. I understand we need more math competitions and shit like that. But this is the type of that is going to eat that movement from the inside. He's basically going out there and saying, “by the way, we need to import people because no one in this country is up to the task. So we need generations of people…” 

What is the sleep—what a weird move. “No sleepover, less sleepover.” What about smart kids having a sleepover? This is gonna be a big problemo, by the way, for them. It is because these people don't give a shit about America. They just don't. No offense to these people. They just don't. I know them. They don't care. They don't care about the country. They, it means nothing to them. I know these little dead-eyed monster kids and, by the way, God bless them, but they are not excited about America. They're excited about like, you know, leaving Earth. What gets these people going is this idea that we can leave the planet. Forget America, they—Earth doesn't really interest them. Earth. 

So the reality is you have an Indian guy lecturing Americans saying that we can't hire any of you, we need to bring in more Chinese people. [Ed. note: Ramaswamy was born in Cincinnati.] Is that not why people voted for Trump? So they didn't hear that? Couldn't they have heard that from Kamala Harris? Wasn't that the whole point? Wasn't the whole point of the Kamala Harris campaign, was that Americans should just shut up and die in a shed? And now these guys are kind of aping that, you know, wasn't the whole point of her campaign that dumb white—I mean that that could have out of the Democratic playbook. “Americans are stupid and they can't do anything, we gotta bring in other people. Sorry.” So this is a big issue.

[…] I mean, this Ramaswamy character, God love him, his messaging is off in a big way and he's got to change it. He's got to change it because the reality of the situation is you're pissing in the faces of people in this country who've been here for generations. That's all. Sorry. And if you're going to say that's racist, if you're going to say that's racist, well then I guess people like Tucker Carlson and Steve Bannon and Ann Coulter... I will not believe it. But it's true. I'm being true.

And [Mike] Cernovich here, he's right, "The Woodstock generation managed to build out aerospace, the one before that went to the moon, America was doing great. Underlying your post is that we were all living in squalor until being rescued by H-1Bs. Then why did everyone want to come here?" Cernovich gets—I'm sorry, he won with that tweet.

And here’s Theo Von in November, responding to a caller’s question about how to make friends with white and Asian people in addition to his Black friends:

Von: Go out into your neighborhood right now. Dribble a basketball in the street. See if a couple brothers don't show up. You hear a basketball banging on that street, that's the Michael Jordan mating call. That's how it is, man. You put a rim up anywhere and you gonna get some Black friends, man. That's not a racial thing. That's just facts. You put a basketball rim up anywhere and you gonna have some brothers show up. You put that bitch up in the ocean, you'll have a couple wet brothers out there just double drowning out there. So you have to think, if you want to get different types of folks, you have to put out different types of activities, you know?

So, if you want to get more Asian friends, you might want to do a—Asian people like hide and go seek. That's easy, man. And that's wild, bro-bro. Look at a Asian. Look at any resting or sitting Asian, resting Asian, or AARs or whatever, Asians At Rest. Look at one. [To his producer] Bring up a couple, right? Go to any of these folks and say, "You keep counting, I'll go hide.” Because Asians got that clock in them, dog. So, that's something you could do to meet some Asians right there, man.

And also, it's okay to be a white guy that has Black friends. And I know you're not saying there's anything wrong with it, but when I was getting into life or whatever, they had a lot of wiggas out there. And no cap, bro. Wiggas used to be the thing, bro. Thomas Jefferson was a wigga, bro. Real talk. And people don't want to say that shit, but he was, man. 

But now they got blonkies even. They got blonkies out there. You got a lot of Black dudes that want to be white, or having more white stuff going in them. I mean, I saw a brother crying in his car the other day outside of a Jimmy John’s. That’s the whitest shit you could do, that’s our shit. So it’s all good. What I’m saying is the portal’s always open. 

And here’s Von in December, responding to a caller “astounded by the amount of Asians” he saw at a Native American casino: 

Von: It's not racist to see Asians, brother, let me tell you that. It's not racist to see Asians. You see Asians? What are you going to do, not see them or whatever, rip your eyes out of your head? No, it's okay to see Asians, brother. Let's see more... Sorry, let's hear more.

Caller: Amount of Asians that were at this casino was just insane, dude. I mean, it was pretty cool. But have you ever experienced that Asians are prolific gamblers?

Von: Yeah, I've seen a lot of that, man. "High dollar," the one guy was yelling, I remember it was a basketball or something. I remember walking through a casino one time and they had an Asian fellow over there, "High dollar. High dollar," he kept yelling, "High dollar." And yeah, they love it. Asians like that risk. They like the fucking risk man. Because I think Asians, they like the risk, they like the smoke, they like the smoke and they like the risk. "Hey, what's up? Hey, I am Asian." So yeah, dude, they fuckin—yeah, Asians, bro, "Hey, what are you doing, huh?" "I'm gambling." "Hey." So yeah, Asians love that shit, bro. Hey bro, put four Asians in a box, what do you got? People that gamble. Praise God, baby.

And now let’s turn to Joe Rogan’s recent conversation with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas, discussing the suicide rate of German soldiers coming home from World War II:

Distefano: A lot of them were just horrific people that were sadistic. But a lot of these guys, it's not like they had a choice. They had to fight the Nazi army or they would be killed. And then they're all drugged out so then the suicide rate tripled.

Pappas: Yeah. But let's not act like it was just the drugs. I mean, the whole Jewish thing was nothing new. I mean, I have a theory about that. It's like the Jews just always figured out a way to flourish wherever they were, and they're just good at economics. And I think when a country goes through economic hardships and everyone's suffering, they just look at the Jews and they just get jealous and they go, "What are they doing?" And then it's an easy scapegoat. Jews just crush it in money, dude. They're just good with business.

Distefano: They're better at money. I know.

Pappas: They're just good.

Distefano: I know, man.

Pappas: They're just good with it.

Rogan: Yeah. Did you have a Jewish guy that told you not to buy that house?

Distefano: Huh? Yes, and I overrode the Jew for ChatGPT.

Pappas: That's the problem. That's the problem.

Distefano: Unless my ChatGPT could be Jewish too. I don't know. I've never asked it that.

Rogan: It's probably Chinese.

Pappas: They're just smart. Jews, they emphasize education and they're really good, and they've been able to flourish under adversity.

Rogan: I think there's also, they stick to their own, and that drives people wild.

Pappas: Right.

Rogan: They don't like that.

Pappas: Yeah, right.

And finally let’s close it out with a segment from this week’s episode of Flagrant: 

Andrew Schulz: Anyway, I would check out Squid Game.

Mark Gagnon: Koreans are good, bro. Koreans are nice.

Schulz: I think they're the most American Asians.

Gagnon: That makes sense.

Schulz: Like culturally, I feel the most similar to them. I guess we don't get a lot of Chinese culture—

Akaash Singh: Because they're right next to communism, so it makes sense to be the most capitalistic.

Schulz: That they're rejecting it, you're saying?

Singh: Yeah.

Schulz: Yeah. Just even what they're into. I don't know. I've always felt this closeness with Korean culture.

Gagnon: Bro, we got to go to Korea then.

Schulz: That would be awesome.

Singh: That'd be sick.

Gagnon: Right?

Schulz: That would be awesome.

Gagnon: Go to Seoul. Get a little vibe.

Schulz: You know we got to go up to the fucking DMZ and just put the toe over, right? If you're up there you got to just tap it.

Gagnon: Yeah.

Schulz: What are the rules on that?

Singh: I feel like Trump could get us into North Korea. Just check it out.

Schulz: Oh, that's a light.

Producer: You could get into North Korea. Go through China.

Alexx Media: I might sit that one out, but I'll be—

Gagnon: What do you mean?

Schulz: Dude got arrested in Sweden. You don't think he can get arrested in North Korea?

Media: Exactly.

Gagnon: [Unintelligible] a bouncer. Just go, just sit down.

Schulz: [Affecting a racist accent] "He's here to fuck our women. Get him!"

Gagnon: No, it'd be kind of cool. Would you go to North Korea if you had a chance?

Schulz: No, I have no interest. I got a kid now. I can't play with that shit.

Media: Right. I don't even got a kid and I don't want to be doing dumb shit.

Schulz: When I was younger and I didn't have that responsibility, I would absolutely do it.

Media: Yeah.

Schulz: Yeah. But now I'm like, something could happen. I could take a picture or some shit. Or I could call home and they're like, "Oh, what are you actually doing? Are you a..." And now I feel like an asshole because America's using resources to get me back when they could be using resources to fucking blow up Browns and get their oil that's ours. Get our oil back.

Gagnon: Yeah, get our oil.

Schulz: Get our oil.

Gagnon: Yeah.

Schulz: Why do they have our oil?

Gagnon: I don't know why. They put it there.

Schulz: What the fuck do they have our oil for?

Singh: Why'd your god put it there?

Schulz: It's probably your god.

Singh: Might have been, probably.

Schulz: Maybe that's what happens when you fuck mud and come in it. Years later it turns into oil.

Singh: And y'all need to get on it, broke-ass Americans.

Schulz: Does India have oil?

Singh: No.

Schulz: Why would it not?

Singh: I don't know, man. That's a good-ass question.

Schulz: Land mass is close, right?

Singh: Yeah, it's a good-ass... It's close enough.

Schulz: But oil stops in Iran? I don't buy that at all.

Gagnon: What is oil, is it dinosaur bones or something?

Schulz: Yeah.

Gagnon: See, y'all just didn't have dinosaurs. [On computer:] 13% of the country's supply needs came from Indian oil.

These people are all just racists.